Growing up in a small semi-rural town, I was an easy target for people to pick on. My outspokenness automatically made me different from my classmates. Added in was my love for Tori Amos, long skirts and liberal politics.
To understand the extent of how much I was bullied, I’ll share one example. In 8th grade during computer class, I sat in a Popular Blonde Girl’s seat to be near a friend. We didn’t have assigned seats, which is why I sat there. The Popular Blonde Girl freaked out, looked me in the eye and said, “If I was you, I’d kill myself.”
For obvious reasons, I try not to think of these moments because they make me upset. Not because I feel bad for myself, but because anyone would be upset by the things that were said to me. Pre-teen and teenage years are awkward. Everyone’s fighting to figure out who they are and where they fit in. Inevitably people end up acting in ways they often regret.
During my junior year, I found out that the parents of one of my male tormentors from middle school were divorcing. Many years later after my senior year of college, I saw this male tormentor at a bar and he immediately approached me saying, “Courtney, I don’t know if a bar is the best place to do this, but I just want to tell you that in high school I was a different person. I truly sorry for the way I treated you in high school.”
Context changes everything, which presents the hardest part of moving on from being bullied: Tormentors go through their own struggles and eventually change sometimes for the better. Perhaps this is the shining beacon of hope after years of thinking about why and how people treated me so poorly.
My conclusion falls in the “What doesn’t kill me makes me way cooler” camp. Whenever someone says something negative about me now, I often joke, “You think that’s original? People have said much worse.” The cruelty of children will prepare you for a lifetime of mediocre insults from adults.
Thank you for reading. Please feel free to share your thoughts and opinions by commenting.
mirenzish
mirenzish
mirenzish
mirenzish
“The cruelty of children will prepare you for a lifetime of mediocre insults from adults.” Love that and so true! Great post!
Veshoevius recently talked about Compliments of The Season
actually with the change of the age of human, mind shows different face, different thinking, this is what happened to you and him, but i liked how had you changed your thinking and share it with us, hope you will get all the test of deep thinking of this kind of small history from your childhood.
Thank you for sharing Aliza!
Courtney recently talked about Getting Organized: My Only New Year’s Resolution
I’m glad you’re able to put such a positive spin on it! For myself, I struggle with body image, and sometimes on my bad days I still hear the taunts from middle school (“hey, hippo, get out of my way!”) in my head. I sure wish those never got put there in the first place. On the other hand, I just feel sorry for those who taunted me in high school for reading for pleasure or raising my hand in class- I mean really, what kind of lives can they have been leading if they thought being intelligent was a negative attribute?
Hopefully we can all learn from what happened to us in the past
I was bullied most of the way through school, and although I don’t know the personal context behind the bullies’ actions, I do know that without them having done that to me, I would not be so driven as I am now. I would have followed the crowd to the local Sixth Form College (junior and senior year of High School) instead of making my own decisions, and as a consequence I’d not be who I am today.
Thank you for posting this – though-provoking and inspiring. xxx
I think that’s a good wat to look at it. At the end of the day, it’s probably one of the healthier ways to look at it. I certainly think the unkindness my classmates showed me made me a compassionate person who wanted to help others. This has certainly always been apart of me, but the wrong doings brought it out more (I think!).
For what it’s worth, I think the most interesting people are those who didn’t go with the crowd
Courtney recently talked about Skincare: Giving Up and Giving In
I have read and saw movies related to Bullying and what you said in here is very similar, i can almost conclude that the Bully Personality actually comes from the frustration ones go through, and as he, she, struggles to let it out, turns out bullying others.
There are those who are not guided by parents properly, and this is a very alarming issue in america, what can you further say about this?
Certainly everyone bullies for their own reason! I think I need to do some more research before sharing my opinion
Courtney recently talked about Skincare: Giving Up and Giving In
Thank you for sharing. That’s amazing that he apologized. Most bullies are lashing out because they are dealing with issues appropriately. I agree, everyone is going through a tough time so I don’t get why someone goes out of their way to make someone’s day miserable. I didn’t get picked on too much but that’s because I was loud and could snap back at someone. I was usually standing up for my friends (especially my gay best friend).
Kimberlee recently talked about FBFF: Holiday Wish List
I totally agree! And who opens up about their issues in high school of all times? I appreciated his apology and it gives me hope that most of my bulliers are changes people now.
High school and middle school are hard. I feel like the logic and rationality of adulthood are not even fathomable during this time. I think things are different now and adults view is more seriously. At the height of my bullying, it was post-Columbine and everyone was unsure of how to deal with issues like bullying.
Courtney, I’m so sorry this happened to you, but so pleased that you’ve been able to take something from it. Because you’re exactly right: We can’t change the stuff that happens to us as children, but we can change what we do from what we learned.
It is unfortunate, but as the Southerners say, “It is what it is.” All you can do is grow from it! I try to remain positive, because there’s no point in spending another minute being upset. All you can do is move on from it.
I mostly wrote this because you hear so much about bullying and cyber bullying, but you never really hear people talk about being bullied.
Courtney recently talked about Moving Beyond Mediocre
Oh, Courtney, this is such a brave post, it made me cry (granted, I do have PMS right now…) The things people say to each other are so inexcusable at times. I’m sorry you endured that and you’ve certainly risen above it. There are all kinds of reasons to believe those who have something to rise above have more to contribute and you’re a shining example of that. Thank you!
For Those About To Shop recently talked about World AIDS Day
Now we know it really must be Friday!
I’m glad you liked the post. I’m trying to write more about myself in a constructive way that may help other people. I generally feel that you can’t change the bad things that happened to you as a kid especially when it comes to other kids. Might as well find a way to make it work and help you evolve as a person.
Courtney recently talked about Moving Beyond Mediocre
Well, I myself didn’t listen to what my classmates said when I was in high school. I am who I am. And I believe that my fate is not dictated by what others say about me or their opinion about me. It’s dictated by how you carry yourself in times of difficulties such as bullying and rising up from there to be a new you.
That’s a great outlook to have!